I’ve often felt like I was straying off of the path I belonged. Ever since my junior year of college I’ve been conflicted and lost without a life map.
It’s taken me until last year (over a course of 10 years) to realize that being a true writer is in my blood and is my passion. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve written quite a lot in the past with no strings attached; my middle school years were fueled with creativity to escape from the horrors of bullying. I mainly wrote poems and drew fan art.
In high school I gravitated towards flexing the writer in myself by role playing online with strangers and attempting to write a novel.
It was such fun to write stories while listening to teachers lecture and role playing at all hours of the night about many situations that were so new to me.
However, all of the creativity stopped when I got to college. It would have been absolutely a no-brainier if I majored in something writing related. Instead, I majored in biology because I loved it too and I knew I could easily find a job with a science degree. My parents were strongly against any sort of creative major (graphic design was also one that I wanted to pursue).
Then, during my junior year, I knew something was very off. I didn’t want to go to medical school anymore and I was gravitating towards writing again. I attempted making a blog and writing and failed each time when the motivation wasn’t there and my fears overcame me.
What I was left with was a crippling sense of disappointment. Each time I would try to put pen to paper or words onto the screen I would freeze and stare like a soul-less shell. I knew writing was what my heart craved but I just couldn’t manage it. I was actively blocking the creative juices from flowing.
Today, here I sit as a new person. I like look to the past to learn from my failures and triumphs; more importantly, I no longer fear the rejection of my writing nor do I fear the sense of anything I write being crap.
It is a very liberating feeling to finally answer to my heart’s calls. I have found an awesome writing group to bounce ideas with and learn from. It has certainly taken a lot to get to this point in my life but it is well worth every second I dedicate to my passion.
Pursuing your dreams is certainly not an overnight feat nor is it easy. This journey of mine has taken me down many paths where I had to stop, evaluate where I was going and if I wanted to be there, and turn around to go another way.
I am so determined that I spend countless hours after my full time job to pursue writing so that someday I may be able to turn writing into a career. For now, I’m just happy to be writing for the sake of writing itself.
I believe that we are all put on this Earth for a specific reason that each of us hold in our heart and it would be a life not worth living if we don’t answer to our heart’s calls. When I am old I don’t want to regret not listening to my heart; I want to be smiling knowing that I did what I was meant to do no matter what happens.